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chandra asked 3 years ago

We are getting abused by our father-in-law. Hello, my name is Chandra, and I am from Madurai, it’s been 5 years since i got married, I and my husband are getting abused by my father-in-law since our marriage. When my family met my FIL – (Father in Law) for the first time, he told us that he has 3 sons (and a house in Madurai) and looking for an alliance for his 3rd son who has completed his MBA and ACS, who is yearning 20000 Rs per month salary, working at a marketing firm as a sales executive. He also said that after marriage, he is going to close off his small shop and will be staying with his sons (for one month at each son’s house).

Formal inquiry with a trustworthy family member

We did a formal inquiry with a trustworthy family member, they said they knew his wife and mother and gave good certificates regarding their family since we didn’t do a deep dive investigation. (it was our biggest mistake after marriage only I knew that my FIL didn’t have a good relationship with his in-laws and he never sent his wife to her parent's house, my mother in law was passed away in the year 2009 due to a brain tumor). Before marriage, my FIL agreed to our terms of dowry.

Incidents which made me doubt his behaviour –

FIL abruptly entered the bride's room on the marriage day while I was dressing, I was standing only with a blouse and petticoat, and he was all teeth and didn’t show a little bit of remorse for entering a lady’s room ( which was only filled with ladies, firstly I thought he could have entered by mistake.)
ordered around everyone on the engagement and marriage day, due to his disturbance we couldn’t complete our photo shoot, and he fought with the pandit ji that we arranged (because of him our pandit was so angry, he didn’t take Dakshina from us and left the mahal once the ceremony was over, after marriage, my parents visited the pandit apologized for FIL’s actions.)
on the next day of marriage, there was a big fight at the in-law’s house, I was upstairs so i didn’t know the details properly, and my second brother-in-law and his wife left the house telling me that they will never come back.
We had invited them for a 3-day feast immediately after marriage since there was a 2 hr travel distance between my place and in-laws, we were reaching in-laws late after dinner, FIL was so furious about it and ordered our parents that his son and daughter in law should be home by 8 in the evening. (This was causing a lot of inconvenience to everyone)
My husband gave his first salary of 6000 to me, which came as a big shock to me. And i came to know in few days that he has not completed his MBA and to study ACS he had only bought books but didn’t pursue it.
there were a lot of dominating and threatening phone calls from both of my sisters-in-law to date, which I never took seriously. And both brothers-in-law do not talk much – only hi and bye. They never come in between household and lady’s matters.
so it had been only 10 days of our marriage, my father in law and a lady named Rani (who used to be a tenant at in laws, and had my FIL’s entire attention. Is also a widower, married off her daughter and living with her son) approached me and asked me to be cautious with my husband as he had brought unknown married ladies to home when no one was at home. I was shocked to hear this type of information from his own dad.
there was a lot of influence by Rani in my day-to-day activities, she was keep on instructing me to do chors and poojas in certain ways, which was approved by my FIL. I tried and avoided her the best i can. She visited us twice daily even though she was staying somewhere else, the reason for her visits were to guide me into family life ( which i never needed and never asked for).
So before marriage, my husband used to give his whole salary ( since my husband started working till 6 months before the marriage) to his dad, otherwise he would call his employer to complain. FIL never provided him with enough money for husbands expences.
FIL had never let my husband to be with his friends for a longer time, he was watching him like a hawk and will call his friends place asking them to send him back early, which had caused a lot of emotional damage to my husband. So he had severe trust issues.
it seems that when my husband was an adolescent. he had been beaten and verbally abused by his father for unimportant reasons, in the middle of the road or at house in front of his relatives.
my husband one day went through my emails, personal photos, my personal chat messages, with out my knowledge and the way i behaved in our first night made him suspect me of sexual favours with male before marriage, so he abused me with harsh words, physically abused me once ,(since my parents confronted him for that he didn’t continue further with physical abuse) for two long years. I tried my best to convince him that i am not such sort of person, and did confronted with my family members after 2 years, then only he came to his senses and started to change his behaviour towards me. (it took him another 2 years to completely come out of verbal abuse).
since day one of my marriage my FIL is abusing us. He didn’t let me attend my younger sisters engagement (due to unnecessary prejudice) , even though we invited him with all respect. On the same day (it was my husbands birthday) FIL forced my husband to cut the cake, my hubby refused as he had a argument with me. FIL got so furious and attacked with bad words and asked my husband to leave his home immediately. I called husbands eldest brother and informed about his father behaviour for the first time. Contacted him the second time as FIL was keep on telling me to cook separately and he will cook for himself. I was not okay with this idea, and i was willing to cook for him. ( at both the instances, brother in law didn’t reply at all so i discontinued contacting him for disputes).
a) with in a month of marriage, my FIL started to fight with my hubby saying that he has to pay him rent to stay at his house, and for his expenses too. He told FIL that with his low salary, rising prices and house hold expenses he would not be able to do so. (my husband was earning 14 to 16 k per month, where he had to spend around 3 to 4 k for his own office travel expences), and FIL started his full verbal and emotional abuse on him and me. Since i stayed at home, i had to hear his continuous 2 to 3 hr speeches, and he would complain to the neighbours and other publics that his son is not taking care of him and started to serve his wife like a slave.
b) when ever FIL gets a chance he would call my hubbies friends and tell him that he is taking care of his father and not providing money for his expences, even though i provided him with 3 times food, he complained to every one that i sleep most of the time and do not cook at home. And when ever week ends come, FIL will plan all 2 days activities and made sure everything was happening according to his plans, so i didn’t had much time to talk to my husband ( my husband made sure that i never visit my parents and even if i visit he would call me back home on the same day and abuse me and my parents verbally).
c). So most of our weekend plans included rani and her family. I was lacking the love and attention which i deserved from my husband, and everyday i had to be the judge of my hubby’s an FIL’s fights, i was so much depressed, it is said that FIL had loaned 175000 and Rani had loaned 50000 to my husband for marriage expenses, so on top of everything they both were abusing us for the loaned amount too. FIL had asked us to leave home several times, i had asked my husband to do so for my wellbeing, he was not ready to do so. I started to have severe migraines, mood swings, and frequent weight fluctuations due to stress.

15) so finally we came out of that house after 1.5 years of misery. Misery didn’t stop there, FIL started to inform everyone that we have abandoned him to rot. Due to this i was personally blamed by a relative, and i asked him who gave information about such act to him, he confessed that it was only my FIL. 16) MY FIL’s words towards me were with disgusting double meaning at many a times, told my husband about it , he was not ready to confront FIL, so informed his eldest son while he was visiting us, he said “my father will never do such thing”, so i committed myself to prove him guilty in front of his family to gain my integrity back. So i started recording his calls with my husbands and his eldest brothers knowledge, both hesitated first but i convinced them to do so as a senior citizen is staying alone and anyone might take advantage of him. 17)in later days we came to know that he had confessed to rani saying as me and my husband were disturbing FIL’s and rani’s sexual relationship, hence he threw us out. They were having sexual intercourse frequently since she had been a tenant in that house. We didn’t get in-between them and both the brothers were not ready to confront their father . 18) in the mean time, FIL wrote his autobiography and distributed it with his elder sons, not my husband. In that copy it is stated that my parents didn’t pay respect to him whenever it was necessary, my husband is a fraud , he has brought him so much loss before marriage, and he had tricked him to gain wealth from him. 19) just because my husband is earning less, FIL does not like him and he uses every chance he gets to publically shame him, belittle him. There are lot of other things too. What can we do about it. Currently me and my husband have overcome our differences and fond of each other. But we both are wrongfully declared and propagated as evils by FIL.[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="1200"]

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